2 Lessons I've Learned More Than Once

For most of my life, I have been told that I could do anything. It was instilled in me at a young age – that old phrase you can do anything you put your mind to. I grew up knowing that the world was wide open to me. And my imagination knew no boundaries.

I was going to be president of the country, a dancer on MTV, a storm chaser, fighter jet pilot, best-selling author, psychiatrist, professor, massage therapist, life coach, and travel writer. Not necessarily in that order.

Oh, and throughout every daydream, I was going to be interviewed by Oprah at some point.

The first time I dropped out of college, it was because I wanted to go out and experience life. The following times, it was because I just couldn’t stay focused or I changed my mind about that path.

I quit and ditched most of the daydreamed career paths I ever had. Nothing felt right. Nothing felt good enough or exciting enough to forget all the other options.

I expected to be obsessed with my career path. I wanted passion to take over and pull me through the journey to becoming whatever I was supposed to be when I grew up.

It never did. I ended up feeling exhausted and embarrassed and like a big dumb loser for not becoming a successful this or a specialist in that. I blamed my dad for telling me I could be anything because that turned me into someone who wanted to be everything. And I couldn’t choose one path long enough to make anything of myself.

What I did make was a mess … a mess of my resume, a mess of my finances, of my self-efficacy, of my self-worth. A big dumb mess of it all.

Instead of being interviewed by Oprah, there was a lot of me crying hysterically for hours and a few attempts to end it all.

This doesn’t mean I haven’t accomplished anything the whole time. I finished my undergrad, got a masters, and even wrote a book. I bought a house and got married.

Throughout my journey so far, I have learned two things more than once.

1 – Accomplishments don’t equal fulfillment or happiness. These feelings do not come from a framed certificate on your wall. Not my wall at least.

2 – The pursuit of happiness and fulfillment looks a lot like the pursuit of yourself. The pursuit of yourself is how you find out what you’re really made of and what you’re truly meant to do. It’s about more than that childhood dream career.

It takes courage to go down a path just a bit further to see how far you can go or to see what you can do. It takes a leap of faith to find out what you’re really made of and to trust that you won’t ruin it all along the way. It takes believing in yourself to pursue that dream even when it seems impossible or ridiculous or small.

The pursuit of yourself is not about accomplishments and happiness. It’s about acceptance and courage. Accepting that the path might be scary, steep, or slippery and walking down it anyway.

I’m still on my path to somewhere. I’ll keep you posted.